At first, I didn’t think this was something I was going to have to register a lengthy opinion on, but it’s a Friday night, the bar has been good to me, and me and the iPad aren’t quite ready to turn in yet.
I had read a little earlier from my favorite trashy gossip blog (What Would Tyler Durden Do?) that David Grohl of the Foo Fighters had been approached by Ryan Murphy (“creator” of “Glee”) to use one or more songs in an episode. Grohl responded in the sort fowl mouthed way that makes me his fan. Murphy, apparently, believes that his creation is the holy mecca of music and is responsible for launching the careers of anyone that has ever been featured on or catered for his show. This is not, as I am finding out, the first time this little sequence of events has played itself out in recent months. Both Slash and the Kings of Leon returned similar rejections which were met by much hissing from Murphy and his supportive Glee-tards. (Author’s Note: While I imagine I am not the first to do so, I came up with the moniker “Glee-tard” on my own.)
This makes complete sense to me for the following reasons:
- Slash is famously a member of the band “Guns & Roses” which I mention only because fans of Guns and Roses or Glee will only have ever crossed paths at the make-up counter at Macy’s. Glee fans: Guns & Roses was/is a rock band from the 70’s/80’s. In twenty years, they will still be remembered. Glee will not. Guns & Roses fans: Glee is a television musical featuring sexually flexible twenty somethings portraying high school students. “Television” is that box you used to have before you pawned it to buy a case of “Old Crow”. Were I writing this two months ago, I wouldn’t have to ask you to forget this Year’s Super Bowl Half Time Show, but here we are. So if you would, please try to remember Slash for his rock-god status and not for his brief stint as Fergie’s pet poodle.
- Kings of Leon produce the same kind of watered down butt-rock I would have thought would have been popular with the kind of people who think Glee has original writing. To be honest, I really though Leon fans would have been on board with this pairing. They would have gone together like rohypnol and Plan B. So now the Kings of Leon have their first thing in common with the Foo Fighters.
- The god damn Foo Fighters, love’em or hate’em, are going to be remembered as rock legends. Glee seems like a semi-ideal sort of a launchpad for bands that are trying to break out of their local comic book store’s basement and into something mainstream. I happened to catch Glee’s cover of “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence and the Machine and I nearly shit myself. Not because the cover was especially arousing, but because I was shocked to find out that Glee would headline an artist that it’s core demographic hasn’t already heard of. If Florence and the Machine had to swallow their pride and a teaspoon of Ryan Murphy’s man-broth in order to get a little exposure, I certainly don’t fault them for it. The god damn Foo Fighters would be the one’s elevating Glee’s legitimacy, not the other way around. Glee can pound out as many iTunes hits as they feel like, but the same could be said for N’Sync and I think we all still feel a little embarrassed about that.
- John Paul Fucking Jones likes David Fucking Grohl and his stock trades higher than Ryan Fucking Murphy’s.
So I won’t pretend to be neutral on this issue if ever asked to speak at some panel on rock stars and network television musicals. I’m completely aware that there are infinitely more pressing issues that I could focus my attention and admittedly over-stated resentment towards, but Summer Shandy is back in season and it’s been a rough week. I’m going to stick to battles I can win.
Drink up kiddo’s.