Like any good story, this one starts with my roommate (JJ) deciding he's going to a party off-campus. The party, populated nearly entirely of Drama Club-types, requires a bit of fashion-flare on the part of JJ, so he asks to borrow Whit's necktie-belt. It's not complicated. It's a blue and green tie that has a belt clasp-thing at the end. After putting it on, JJ decides that he can't wear it because it will be too much work to undo and retie when he goes to take a piss. The following conversation has a certain standard deviation, but mostly gets the point across.

Dan: "What the fuck do you mean, 'too much work'? It's not hard to take a piss: unzip, pull, piss, replace."
JJ: "What? No. Unbuckle, unbutton and then unzip."
Whit: "No way. You're dick can't be too big to pull through the zipper-hole."
Dan: "Yeah. That shit is unheard of."
JJ: "It's too complicated to do that way."
Dan: "How the fuck do you figure that?"
JJ: "You gotta go in there and get it, then when you're done you gotta thread the needle to get it back in there."
Whit: "You're shitting me. I've never heard this."
Dan: "That's bullshit. Through the boxer-flap, through the zipper-hole, and then back again."
JJ: "No way. Unbuckle, unbutton, unzip and then over the boxers."
Dan: "Fucking over the boxers? Now I know you're full of shit."
Homan pokes his head out of his room
Homan: "Unbuckle, unbotton, unzip and over the boxers."
Whit: "Blimey!"
JJ: "Yeah dude. Over the boxers. Balls too."
Dan: "Unbe-fucking-lievable."
Homan: "Balls too? You're an artist."
Homan leaves and shuts door.
Whit: "This makes no sense."
Dan: "Yeah. The zipper isn't just there so the steel industry gets a cut of Levi's profits. It's a dick-accessory."
JJ: "Well, I see what you guys are saying, and I'll give it a shot. I'm still unbuckling, unbuttoning and unzipping to shit though."
Dan: "Cheater."

The poll of everyone to follow left us with about a 50/50 split of "Unbucklers" and "Zipperists", though JJ was the only one to regularly take his balls for a walk while he pees. Hach said he does it on occassion, when he's "feeling frisky."

So where do you stand, America? Buckle or Zipper?

I really wish I had something else to talk about at 3:30am, but here we are.

For safety reasons while drinking , unbuckle! You don't want to risk having an accident like in "Something About Mary".

Unzip, man. Unzip.

When I'm sober, unzip. For the other 60% of the time, unbuckle. No balls, but over the boxers while drinking for sure.

How does this work at a urinal? Balls out in public?

Unzip, unless you're under the age of 12.

so - i'm just going to precede this by telling you that i have put too much thought into this. in doing so, i have thought of 3 arguments to support the unbucklers.



1) what do you do when you are wearing something without a zipper? if you change your behavior based on what you're wearing...you're just that much closer to becoming a girl. especially if you change your behavior in some sort of a cycle...

2) "threading the needle" may be dangerous if you're not careful. but let's think of a situation here that may or definitely hasn't happened in my life...but anyway: the quickie. are you going to thread the needle for this situation? if so - may god help your chafing cock, because it is probably going to fall off (and this time not because of the girl you're with...).

3) Dan: "Yeah. The zipper isn't just there so the steel industry gets a cut of Levi's profits. It's a dick-accessory." Do i need to mention that girl's pants have zippers as well? the implications of this quote are just...scary.



over the top and like an artist, for life.

Wojo, I undertstand your argument pertaining to why chick jeans have zippers. Could it be possible the 'thread the neddle' technique developed solely as a quicker means to piss? This would mean the zipper is only a means of increasing pant size to maneuver the butt. Your argument is strengthened vis a vis quickie. Finally, the unbucklers have a certain disadvantage in that they must hold their trousers up whilst urinating. So, assuming the zipper is not for 'whipping it out' at all, and pants fall down when totally unbuttoned, then what to do?

Ahh, I am hazarding a guess that GC Hale had this same conundrum many years ago: http://www.suspenders.com/XYback_big.jpg

And yes, those dudes could be pissing.

Well the male-female zipper trade-off was part of an agreement made years ago whereby women got zippers on their pants for their hips and men got non-functioning nipples.

Unbuckle and unbutton a woman's pants, I gurantee they'll stay up on their own. I've conducted research in my own lab. Try the same on a dude. The button keeps them up, the zipper is for threading the needle.

Nah man, especially in times of inebriation, unbuckle, unbutton, unzip, cock and balls over the boxers, all with one hand cuz the other hands holding a ciggerette. That's just what I do when I'm drunk though.

Threading the needle can give the random creepy guy who pisses directly next to you (come on, it always happens) and stares a wrong impression of the size of your wangsicle. Give them no room for error.

Quickies are strictly pants and boxers at the minimum to your knees, shirt on in times of desperation. Come on, threading the needle just looks tacky to females.

Guy Pants: Unzip.
Girl Pants: Unbuckle.

That's right boys and girls - there's more to being emo than the music...

put up a banner ad on lilkobi.com and make that facebook group global. think of the scrilla you can make.

The group is global. I believe.

hey thanks for the heads up on the new Watts book. already put in my order :D

*xors

Simply...wow.

I'm not gonna lie. "Threading the needle" gives me an interesting image, but I truly think that a guy standing at the urinal with his twig and berries hanging out for all the "mens" world to see is a bit queer. No offense.

I'd say use the zipper when sober. The other way is just re-dumb-diculous. I don't have this problem, but honestly, unbuttoning, unzipping, and removing the wang and balls seems like more work than just pulling it out of the zipper hole.

Um...when I say I don't have "this" problem, I mean the whole having a cock thing. Just for clarification. :)

We all know what you meant.

i just can't wait until we go to an all-naked society so that i don't have to debate whether i should thread-it or over-the-top every time i'm at a urinal.

I'm a little late on this one, but allow me to say that as a professional out in the real world, unbuttoning and unzipping causes dress shirts to become untucked, hence leading to more time to "stow the gear" after you are done. And since dress shirts are longer than t-shirts, unbuttoning also increases the chance of pissing on yourself. And don't even get me started on what can happen to a tie that is tied incorrectly and hangs down too far below the belt....

Unzip, thread the needle, stow the gear, rezip. 'Nuff said.

And I thought women had problems...